Paradigm Shift

IX.

As Roxanne read, she drew strength, coming to realize that her father had never wanted to abandon her, but didn’t want to lead her to darkness if he was wrong. He wanted her to choose for herself. It was also apparent that his actions were driven by loyalty to the Light, not a desire for chaos and destruction, but by goodwill, truly believing that the best thing for the people of Tiesa and the Keepers would be to embrace the ideology of the League, supporting openness of the light and sharing that light with others. Roxanne knew little of the League, having been warned to distance herself from it since her youth, as the League was a haven for traitors and radicals, those that professed love for the Light, but advocated drastically different approaches than the Lighthouse endorsed. The People could join the League, but for a Keeper it was a crime equal only to treachery, betraying the loyalty that should have kept you within the Lighthouse and working against your former brothers and sisters in the Light. If caught associating with the League, a Keeper was brought to trial before the Council and in extreme cases, where they were either public figures or had publicly advocated against the Lighthouse, they could be and were with increasing frequency sentenced to death.

Many viewed the League and The Glare as one and the same, which is not an accurate representation. The League was in favor of discourse and believed in the power of words to bring about change, hoping to not replace the current leadership in the Lighthouse, but to supplement it, providing a wider range of perspectives and space for all that love the Light. The Glare was an offshoot, largely militant in nature, believing that the League didn’t go far enough, that the only way to change was to cause a rebellion and start from scratch, removing all current leadership and traditions associated with the Lighthouse and giving the Light to the people for them to decide what must happen next. Time was of the essence to the Glare, wanting change now. The League was an official, public organization that was well-known if not reputable, while The Glare operated largely in secret, leaving their mark, but otherwise operating under the radar. Word spread by word of mouth, largely reaching the younger generation, with most adults completely unaware of what the ‘V’ over two dots and a three-sided rectangle symbolized.

Armed with her new information, Roxanne knew it was time to make a choice. As the sides grew farther and farther apart, they seemed to grow less and less distinguishable, the most objectionable characteristics shared by both, with a striking resemblance beginning to develop. Feeling slightly overloaded, as she needed to reconstruct a large part of her view of the world, given the revelations that her father’s journal brought to light, pulled from the shadows.

“If only I had known all this from the beginning,” Roxanne sighed, “Why was it hidden from me? Is it dangerous, is some of this truth and light the reason that so many fled from the Lighthouse early on?”

“Yes.” Roxanne gasped a little and turned to see who had entered, finding Thaddeus in the doorway, Light seeping in, casting him in slight shadow.

“There is truth to the adage, ‘Light brings life, but an overabundance of Light brings blindness.’ Many were troubled by discrepancies in the tales they heard as children and the truths they discovered later. Some felt cheated, betrayed, if you will, in turn turning their backs on the one thing they had always loved. Others tried to bring the two in harmony, but never found a way or were so blinded that they couldn’t see anything but the filth that lurked in the corners. A few managed to find hope in the Lighthouse, living for the Light in the best they knew how, quietly pushing for change and more inclusive practices. Your father, Fairfax, was one of these. He and Bartholomew were close, as you know. They had grown up together here, eventually drifting apart and opposing each other during the Schism. However, when the traditionalist Keepers ousted the League, your father opted to remain with the Lighthouse, despite his longtime affinity for League-esque policy. He was the master ambassador, helping the Lighthouse and the League to exist in relative harmony, until Bartholomew pushed to more aggressive tactics of Schism-bridging.”

“What about you, Thaddeus? My father seems to have talked with you about almost everything. He trusted you.”

“I fear I am not worthy of his trust. I wanted peace and harmony, but sided with tradition. Many of the ideas of the League appealed to me, but I thought that there would be no turning back once I began to think like and associate with them, I would be forced to leave the Lighthouse and all I’ve ever known, eventually becoming a radical, wrecking havoc in the name of peace. Even now, with Bartholomew threatening to rain death on any that breathe a word of disagreement, I can’t leave. This is where I belong.”

“Thaddeus, we can change things. We can do what my father always wanted, you can’t give up hope- not now. The Light lives in each of us, it still glows within you. I see it flickering in your eyes. We can talk sense into Bartholomew. He’s reasonable, he was distraught after my father’s execution, surely all that emotion has not left him?”

“The violence of recent days has hardened him. He feels as if severity and violence in return is the only recourse that he has left.”

“But-“

Footsteps began to ring throughout the hallways, as people arose, beginning to go about their daily business.

“Quick. You must flee, if they find you here, all may be lost.”

Thaddeus began to leave, walking to the door, resting his hand on the doorframe he turned and said, “There is hope, Roxanne. The Schism can be healed. You can do it.”

With those words he left, leaving Roxanne to rush to place everything in its proper place before someone spotted her and questioned her behavior. She was bothered by Thaddeus’ last words. Why her? Why, when he seemed resigned to remain in the Lighthouse? Didn’t he want to be a part of it? Every answer seemed to bring with it a thousand more questions.

As Roxanne finished replacing everything, she left quietly shutting the door and going back to her room before anyone could suspect anything. Sorting through the issues at hand, Roxanne decided that she needed to talk to Erin, who would hopefully be a little more coherent than disjointed mumblings about ‘him’ being here and death. Roxanne was nervous, but knew that she needed to talk with someone and Erin had been her close friend since they were kids. Erin had never been quite as curious as Roxanne and committed to avoid anything that even threatened to be against the Lighthouse. She firmly believed that the Lighthouse would do what was right, even if it seemed wrong, that there would be some sort of higher justice that was served that could not be comprehended by your average individual. Therefore, Roxanne was afraid that her findings would upset Erin, causing her to end their lifelong friendship, not wanting to jeopardize her closeness to the Light. Yet, she hoped that Erin would understand and if she didn’t then no one would.

She reached the infirmary, greeted the doctors and nurses and headed to Erin’s bedside, steeling herself for the worst. As she reached Erin, a doctor had just come away, so Roxanne stopped him to ask how Erin was doing.

“Better, but she was hit pretty deep. The blade must have had some crystals on the edge, since it cut a ragged hole that doesn’t want to seal nicely. But, she’ll make it. She’s still a little delusional, seeing things and talking about people that are definitely not there. That’s fairly normal in cases like this.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“Yes, but try not to say anything that would cause any strong emotional response. She’s still weak and that would set back her recovery.”

“Ok, thanks,” Roxanne replied while thinking to herself that if she couldn’t share any big news then she might as well leave, since whatever Erin’s response, it would likely be tied to emotions in a big way. She composed herself, pulling the curtain aside and stepping in.

“Roxanne!” The excitement in Erin’s breathy whisper brought Roxanne back to the present, out of her speculative world inside her mind. Roxanne’s commitment at that moment began to waver. She didn’t think that she could destroy someone’s happiness like Erin clearly felt at that moment. She didn’t want to unnecessarily burden someone with her problems.

“Hey Erin. How are you?”

“Better. Still not sure if I’m awake or dreaming sometimes and it seems like Patrick is always here. But that has to be my dreams.”

“Yeah. What does he do?”

“Just stands there mostly. Over in that corner,” The last bit she said pointing to the far right corner to the front of the bed.

“Hmm…” Roxanne furrowed her brow, a little worried that perhaps Patrick was there, that maybe Erin was seeing more than everyone else thought, that her delusions were reality.

“Erin, I found something today.”

“Already? The day just started, were you up all night?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Listen, I went to my dad’s office and looked through his journals to see why he left. If he had done it knowingly, wanting to leave me alone, hating the Lighthouse or if there was some other reason.”

“And…?”

“He never wanted to leave me and he loved the Light always, doing what he thought was best, not wanting to drag me along in case it turned out he was wrong.”

“Did that help? I mean, knowing that he was looking out for you the whole time and wanted to do what was right, but simply chose the wrong way?”

“It did, but Erin, I don’t know if it was wrong…”